Because we just started dating
Most people who live together before they get married don’t get married and those who do have a higher divorce rate. You’ve already agreed that this is not the biblical pattern and thus is not a healthy pattern. What you’re demonstrating, by the fact that you say, “I want to do this but we always fall back into the same pattern again” is the strong bonding nature of sexual relationships. Sex was designed to be a deep bonding experience between a husband and wife.
What you’re experiencing is that deep bonding between the two of you even though you’re not married. However, if you’re going to develop a healthy dating relationship and make a wise decision about getting married or not getting married, you’re going to have to draw away from this obsession with the sexual part of the relationship.
What makes matters worse is that I am currently four hours away at school and every time we see each after being apart a week or two (even when we have had full intentions of not being sexual) we end up falling into our old habits.
I have your book but was wondering what would be the best way to get out of this cycle and get right with God?
A whole mode of being has been lost, a mode of being that in every culture but our own produces a wealth of beauty, and sweeps young people along with its strong tide, into marriage and a world of families. Well, what would we do if we found a land of pallid, feeble, depressed children, kept withindoors all their lives, and so burdened with drudgery and the inanity of electronic gadgetry that they couldn’t climb a tree or fish in a pond or climb a mountain?
We wouldn’t give them lectures on the wonder of the simple joys. And, let’s be honest, among all sane people, one generation assumes some responsibility to ready the next generation for marriage. Where are the dances, the concerts, in our parishes?
There aren’t any boys climbing the mountains to pick edelweiss for their sweethearts. There aren’t any boys singing “Annie Laurie,” nor any Annies for them to sing to.
I think to work through that book would make wonderful dating experiences for you.
The more you get to know each other apart from sexual activity, the more you’ll be able to make a wise decision to marry or not to marry.
But we need something else too, something more human and more fundamental.
We need desperately to reintroduce young men and young women to the delightfulness of the opposite sex. In our swamp of miserable statistics, let me introduce another that is often overlooked. First, it is evidence of deep and widespread loneliness.